Hello, friends. ✨ I've been wanting to write about Christmas nostalgia and what it means to me so many times before... I’ve loved Christmas ever since I was a child, but over the years, certain experiences have deeply altered my view of this cherished holiday. As the leaves start to turn in October, I know that my most favorite time of the year is approaching. Yet, for the past few years, I’ve found myself unsure of how I feel about it.

When I lived in the United States (it honestly feels like another lifetime at this point, but I miss my second home every day), I decorated the house however I wanted, and A LOT. I still embraced some Czech traditions, which meant, for instance, opening gifts on Christmas Eve, the 24th of December—completely normal in the Czech Republic. In the U.S., as many might know not just from watching Home Alone (lol), gifts are usually opened the following morning, after Christmas Eve.

Christmas in the U.S. felt magical, albeit in its way. What I found most different, now that I think about it, was the shopping culture and the abundance of options. Everything was so accessible and, comparatively, affordable when earning dollars. Even in Florida, where snow was a distant dream, people went all out with decorating their homes, creating an electric, festive atmosphere. We would just drive around the neighborhood to watch the Christmas lights weeks before the holidays.

But then my life took an unexpected turn, and I returned to my hometown of Prague. That first Christmas back was, honestly, a shock. If I can even call it "home" anymore—after spending four years in the U.S., I felt more American than Czech. Returning to family after years away, everything felt different. It wasn’t just me and my brother with our parents around the Christmas table anymore. My brother now had two kids and a wife also living in my parents’ house.

That first year back, I felt completely out of place. Transitioning from independent adulthood in the U.S. to this unfamiliar version of family life was jarring. Opening gifts, sharing the space, and trying to navigate this new dynamic felt like an uphill battle. I couldn’t shake the feeling that I didn’t belong—certainly not here. Some unpleasant things happened during those first holidays back home—things I’d rather not delve into. So inevitably, that sense of displacement lingered, settling into a weight I still carry during the holidays. It leaves me questioning what Christmas truly means to me now.

Over the years, after returning to the place where I was born, I spent the next several Christmases in various locations—just not at my parents’ house. While the relationships I was in during that time didn’t last, I have to admit that those holidays were, in their own way, quite nice. One Christmas really stands out though: I spent it entirely on my own in the apartment I was living in at the time. Single and at peace, I think it might have been my favorite holiday to date. Everything was on my terms. I made a lovely meal, watched Christmas-themed fairy tales, lit candles, and simply relaxed with nowhere to be and no expectations to meet. It was pure bliss. 🎅

Another year, I spent Christmas in the Tatra Mountains in Slovakia.

For the past few years, I’ve struggled to reconnect with the childlike joy I once felt at Christmas. There was a time when I’d want to decorate as soon as November arrived. Now, it’s December 1st, and I can barely muster the enthusiasm to deck the halls. Has the holiday lost its magic throughout the years? Is it just different when you get older? Or is it altered by our life experiences the most?

Perhaps, in a strange way, it’s all good. Because the more I work on myself, the closer I get to coming home to me. And maybe, just maybe, that’s the real gift. 🎁

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Christmas, to me, is about creating a space where happiness feels simple and authentic—a time to embrace self-acceptance and let things be just as they are. It’s not about grand gestures or overwhelming traditions but about finding joy in the little things: a few thoughtful decorations, meaningful connections, and the comfort of being surrounded by people who truly understand you. I seek this more than ever nowadays.

I’ve always been drawn to the magic of Christmas lights, their warm glow casting a cozy charm over everything. They remind me that even in the darkest months, there’s beauty to be found if you look for it. I also love the sense of a “foreign atmosphere” during the holidays—the idea of exploring a new country each year excites me. Maybe that’s the secret to rekindling my Christmas joy: packing a suitcase, heading somewhere new, and soaking in the festive vibes of a place I’ve never been.

And oh, the food! Just a touch of indulgence—nothing overwhelming. Soft, melt-in-your-mouth cookies (definitely not the dry ones), rich with chocolate and maybe a splash of rum for fun. Pair that with a lineup of Christmas movies, a pile of blankets, and the simple pleasure of being cozied up with no rush to be anywhere.

It all comes down to peace. That’s the dream. A quiet, fulfilling kind of peace where everything feels light, easy, and enough. Maybe that’s the Christmas I’m chasing—one filled with lights, laughter, and little moments of joy that feel like home, no matter where I am. ⭐